You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
