oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
worst night to have a conscience
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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