PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
