just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
cat food counts as protein by the way
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
