y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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