Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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