He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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