I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
