I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
