oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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