He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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