so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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