She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize