Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
