Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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