What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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