They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
