This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
