I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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