So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
