Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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