How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
