He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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