We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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