Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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