This is not my ceiling
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
