Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
