Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Operation Purity has been aborted
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
