I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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