just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize