SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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