and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
