just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
