Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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