Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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