She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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