I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize