she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
