Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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