You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
