i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
