Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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