I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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