i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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