i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
