And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
