The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize