At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
