you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
