i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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