If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize