im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
