I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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