you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
