dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
