Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
