My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
