Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
