I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
