I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
