bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
