Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize