I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize