I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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