Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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