I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
