I want to make a zoo with you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
