My liver just broke up with me...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're like the curious george of whores
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
