The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
