The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
