That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
