I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
